


Prayers for Fans Who Write Fanfiction

by Gozer



Category: Fandom RPF, Meta - Fandom, No Fandom, Religion & Lore - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Fannish Community, Fannishness, Gen, Humor, Other, Prayer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 04:44:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7300117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gozer/pseuds/Gozer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don't object to the concept of a deity, but admit I'm somewhat bemused by the notion of one that reads fanfiction.  Whatever!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prayers for Fans Who Write Fanfiction

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the Retro Prayer back in the 80s and it was published in one of the Southern Seven zines. 
> 
> LOCs are "Letters of Comment"--people actually took the time to sit, write a letter, and MAIL IT to the editor/publisher of the zine they'd just read. Astonishing, I know, when we sometimes find it too difficult to remember to hit a Kudos button, and I include myself as a reader in that criticism.

**The Zine Contributor’s Prayer**

_A Retro Appeal to a Friendly, but Probably Imaginary Sky-buddy, from the 1980s  
(See below for the modern/updated version)_

Oh, Lord, who moveth my typewriter keys, hear my prayer.

Grant me a great series to base my stories on.  Give the actors snappy dialogue to speak and compelling plots to act out.  Give the characters hard-won victories, heart-felt defeats, darkest angst and brightest joy; a nice face and backside doesn’t hurt.

Dear Lord on High, let your angel of prose sit on my write hand neither too heavily nor too lightly, for wordiness is as great a sin as sketchiness.

Let me not further my plots by causing one of my characters to behave like an out-of-character jerk, for then I would be guilty of the “Idiot Plot”, which, though popular in TV movies and sitcoms, is not good writing and is to be scorned.

And, Lord, let me not kill off my characters to avoid having to write a tough confrontation scene, for where the dialogue be juicy, the readers be happy.

Help me find a publisher of intelligence and not too big an ego who can afford today’s printing rates.  Help my publisher find a great artist who will read my mind and draw it just as I envision it.

And lastly, Dear Lord, let my Gentle Readers write LOCs neither too laudatory nor too critical, and let the LOCs be many so that I may learn from them and improve my craft and have my ego boosted.

Glory to God in the Highest, whose ratings never falter and rise up forever and ever, Amen.

 

**UPDATED FOR THE FINE AUTHORS AND READERS ON THE ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN:**

 

**The AO3 Poster’s Prayer**

_An Appeal to a Friendly, but Probably Imaginary Sky-buddy_

Oh, Lord, who looketh upon my keyboard with affirmation and joy, hear my prayer.

Grant me a great series to base my fanfic on.  Give the actors snappy dialogue to speak and compelling plots to act out.  Give the characters hard-won victories, heart-felt defeats, darkest angst and brightest joy; a nice face and backside doesn’t hurt.

Dear Lord on High, let your angel of prose sit on my write hand neither too heavily nor too lightly, for wordiness is as great a sin as sketchiness.

Let me not further my plots by causing one of my characters to behave like an out-of-character jerk, for then I would be guilty of the “Idiot Plot”, which, though popular in TV movies and sitcoms, is not good writing and is to be scorned.  And let me know the difference between a Mary Sue and an Original Character, because self-insertion isn’t a crime, but, Good Lord, sometimes it should be.

And, Lord, let none of my characters answer a question about their motivations by saying, “It’s complicated” and subsequently falling to silence, because that is how irritating hacks weasel out of writing a tough confrontation scene, and I’m looking at you, Joss Whedon's less-talented minions.

Thank you, Dear Lord, for gifting ALL THE FANDOMS with a noncommercial and nonprofit website designed with intelligence and skill by fannish geniuses, for indeed, print publishers are gatekeepers who can screw up a fanfic out of spite, the inability to understand comedy, or grammatical ineptitude, which, yea verily, each of all three of these Sins Against Fandom has happened to this fanfic writer in the past, but no more due to the graciousness of Our Lord and The Archive of Our Own.

And please, Lord, one day gift me with a talented fannish artist who loves my fanfic so well that they will read my mind and post fannish art based upon my work; a moving GIF would be especially fun.  Or gift me with a fellow fanfic writer who is sparked by something I wrote and posts a story either remixed or based off of my fic, because that kind of interaction is the purest essence of fandom and the Highest Holy Write of all.

And lastly, Dear Lord, let my Gentle Readers post comments neither too laudatory nor too critical, and let the comments be many so that I may learn from them and improve my craft and have my ego boosted, or at least have my Gentle Readers show appreciation by the hit of the Kudos button so your devoted fanfic writer knows she’s not posting in a void.

Glory to God in the Highest, whose ratings never falter and rise up forever and ever, Amen.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a damned nice piece of original Leah Rosenthal artwork of me sitting in front of a typewriter that goes with it that I will eventually post here as soon as I can get it out of storage and scanned! I purchased the original for a substantial amount of money at a convention and subsequently guilted future publishing rights out of the artist, as it was her established custom to always gift any artwork she drew to the subject of the artwork. ;) I knew that would come in handy someday!
> 
> If you think I should express gratitude for something else and add a stanza to the poem, post suggestions below!


End file.
